Thoughts — the writing, in the order it was written.
I'm falling away from the things I love even though I'm inspired to create. The communities I once felt a part of were never home, but there was comfort there. In these times where friends grow closer to the sun, I find myself searching for the right path to the same source. Not sure if we share the same light.
I know I'm getting closer to whatever I'm going for, but also feel like I'm treading or wasting time in my limbo. We keep falling apart every four years to get closer, but does knowing who I am help anymore? We will find out because right now all I can feel is me sinking.
I lost someone that really did inspire me this past week. Weirdly, it's connected me back to myself in this fucked-up way. This past week was also the first time in a year that I felt seen by someone I'm not close to, and it meant more than you know.
The more I focus on the things that aren't serving me, the less I provide to the people around me. I know we get lost in search of the right thing, but I know I'm closer to finding it. God has given me examples that I don't want to follow, but beautiful things I will continue to follow. I know I'm close. I know I have so much love around me.
What do I have to lose? What really is mine? Nothing. No answers. Just feelings. I will continue to be grateful for it all.
I know what I need to do now and what serves me. The places I've continued to encounter in my daily life don't lead me toward what I came here to do. I will live the destiny I was given.
Even though there's a lot of frustration, I know that I'll make a place for myself. They see and believe in me, and I can't let environments that no longer serve me dictate how I interact with everything else in my life.
Communication is key. Healing is key. Dreaming is key. Taking a chance is the answer. I will get closer to it every day.
I've realized this past week that one of my strengths is creating a platform and a space for people to be themselves, to express who they are, and to share what they're going through. I think feeling seen and creating a community that fosters that is one of the most important things I could leave behind in my lifetime, and I want to continue making space for that in my life.
I know I created this space for myself, and sometimes I can become selfish and focus too much on my own perspective, but I've realized that it's just as important, if not more important, to create that same space for other people. To give people the opportunity to feel seen, heard, and understood.
The more I chase authenticity, the less authentic I become. I don't need to force it. I just need to continue believing in what feels true to me and creating space for others to do the same. I believe that can change the world because it's already changed mine, and I'm just grateful that I've been given the gift to share it.
I think every time I leave, experience something new, and see the world differently, it changes the way I see the place I've always known. I grew up in a very small town and then moved to a city that felt much bigger and more global than anything I had experienced before. Now, when I travel, I wonder if I'll come back appreciating where I am more deeply, or if I'll discover that there are other ways of living that feel more aligned with who I am right now. Maybe it'll be both.
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At this point in my life, I think I need to keep doing things because I genuinely love them. To stop constantly thinking about where something is going, what it will become, or whether it's leading me toward some version of success. Just doing the thing because I love the thing.
I was thinking about something a friend said to me this past week about his experience with baseball. He reached an elite level when he stopped worrying so much about the future, got out of his head, and simply showed up every day to work at something he loved. There was no pressure beyond being present and continuing to get better. I think there's something incredibly special about that way of moving through life.
And honestly, I think I was saying some of that to myself too.
I'm excited to see what this next week brings. I want to keep exploring, keep making things, keep following what feels alive to me, and keep sharing my perspective without getting so wrapped up in the way money is supposed to dictate how I live. I don't know exactly where any of this is taking me, but maybe I don't need to know yet. Maybe the point is just to keep going.
I ____ life.
I had an amazing time, and I've come away with a deeper appreciation for where I come from, what I need, what I want, and what I don't want. It's time to take a step closer to who I am.
I'm grateful for the experiences that have inspired me to do so.
Continue to love yourself. Continue to follow your feelings. Trust yourself.